Real Men

I like knives, guns and action movies.  Am I not a real man?  I like chrome, horsepower and racing stripes.  Does that make me a real man?  I like my own opinion, things the way they are, and feeling superior to others.  Surely this makes me a real man.

By observing many men today, it would appear that all it takes to be a real man is to just do what comes naturally.  Things like drinking lots of beer, neglecting loving wives, and by reminding ungrateful kids at every commercial just how hard they work.  Things like weekly fishing trips, ridiculous purchases, and emotional shallowness.  Things like being too proud to admit being wrong, too insecure to accept correction, and too easily distracted by things that are just not important.

One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another." 

From what I've read, the best way to sharpen a knife is to use steel.  When using a mere stone, the blade can become rough and out of line.  But by using a sharpening steel, the blade will be smoothed out, leaving a nice straight edge.

The same way a sharpening steel will straighten out a blade's edge, a good man can straighten out another good man.  But the truth is most men don't like being challenged by other men.  As a result, they never acquire a sharper, straighter edge; therefore they are less effective, less useful, less equipped for that which they were created.

Might I submit to you that a real man is one who recognizes the value of being challenged by other men, recognizes the value of having his edge straightened out, and recognizes that a real man is one who is continually forged in the crucible of steel-on-steel training and honing and straightening.  A real man recognizes the value of other men, and rather than avoiding their challenge, he welcomes it.

Discussing Religion and Politics

The old cliche says never discuss religion or politics.  Are these two topics somehow cursed by a mysterious gypsy woman, causing all who engage in dialogue regarding these said topics to become indignant and even enraged?  Perhaps aliens from outer space have secretly planted chips at the base of our skulls causing us to automatically become infuriated anytime someone challenges us to think differently about said topics.  Or better yet, maybe we have all fallen victim to secret mind control experiments conducted by our government, and anytime religion or politics are mentioned subconscious triggers are activated causing us to block out any new ideas or perspectives.

Well, as entertaining as those possibilities are, I would like to submit that maybe we are just lousy at discussing.  Often we are too emotionally attached to our own perspective that we are rendered completely unable to reason through points and counterpoints with any degree of humble, rational, logical, serious consideration; much less yield to the more reasonable idea.  As a result, we acquire no better understanding, no deeper knowledge, no personal growth.

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together," says the Lord...

Providence and Attitude

After Jill's pharmacy sold out and closed, chaos ensued as she changed jobs, took pay cuts, and considered an onslaught of job offers, trying to make a wise decision about her next place of employment.  The offer from the Chickasaw's pharmacy came and that's where she ended up.  The new job was a trade off I didn't completely appreciate.  The health insurance was very good and very affordable, and something we didn't much have.  But as Jill began leaving early and not getting home until six in the evening, I became increasingly frustrated with her need of me to do various household chores.

I started doing the laundry and dishes and vacuuming, after all, loving your wife is what I preached about on Sundays.  Nonetheless, my attitude was greatly lacking as I became gradually discontent with the arrangement God had provided.  It wasn't just the husbandly chores, but Jill was missing important time with her kids after school as they had increasing need of her, especially her daughter.  Then on top of that was the near impossibility of using our home for ministry as I had envisioned before we were married.  As you can see, I had an ungrateful complaining attitude and the spiritual wilderness was getting thick. (see Numbers 14:29)

One evening at dinner William was in his high chair eating when we noticed one of his eyes beginning to cross.  A day or two later Jill and William returned from the eye doctor.  She relayed what the doctor said, that William had very bad eyes and Jill began to cry, and I wanted to.  I still remember when William first tried on his glasses and how he immediately appreciated the difference they made.

We were referred to the Dean McGee Eye Institute where they recommended that we patch his strong eye so that the crossing eye might become stronger and straighten out on its own.  We did that, but the crossing never corrected, so a surgery was recommended.  The surgery was performed (paid for by Jill's insurance)  and it seemed to be successful, and the doctor wanted to see how he did without his glasses.

I carefully watched to see if William showed any signs of poor vision, and as the months and years went by I sort of put it out of my mind until a couple of weeks ago.  William had a check up with his regular pediatrician where he received an eye exam with some hand-held machine I'd never seen before.  After pointing this gadget into each of William's eyes, he determined both were 20/20, or there abouts. 

Needless to say, this triggered no small amount of reflection on my part.  Lord, forgive me of my complaining ungrateful attitude when in the midst of what seemed chaotic and inconvenient you were working a plan to provide for my family's future needs, inspite of the fact that I was too hasseled to see it.

A Baptist Comedy Break

Fascinating Christian History

Lesson of Discipleship from William

Since William was old enough to pray in language only God could understand, his sister and I have prayed with him at bedtime, as consistently as possible anyway.  I've always hoped he was listening and might learn something about God in the process.  Tonight I asked him if he wanted to pray and he did, and for the first time he thanked God for dying for our sins.  My son is being discipled, and the more I reflect the more I realize that listening to the prayers of his sister and I is really a very small part of that discipling process.

This discipleship of my kids doesn't happen in a day or a week, and it doesn't happen as a result of another Bible study on Sunday afternoons.  Their discipleship happens as Jill and I's life overlaps theirs, and their discipleship will continue as long as this is true (which by God's grace should for a while). 

This is the model Jesus gave us in the gospels.  His life overlapped the lives of His disciples for three whole years.  They got to observe Him as he interacted with the masses of people, as he confronted the error of the Pharisees, as he showed compassion to the needy, as he taught and preached repentance, and yes, as he prayed to the Father.  Jesus invited the disciples into his life, and he lived his life in their presence, and this is an often overlooked aspect of effective discipleship. 

Perhaps we don't need more Bible studies at church, but more opportunities for our lives to overlap the lives of the undiscipled, opportunities that may initiate an invitation for them to enter our lives, and for us to live our lives in their presence.  Perhaps.

P.S.  Since I've started back to class, my blogging will be fairly rare as I'm swamped with reading and other such studying exercises.  Thank you for reading.

Comfort or Relationships

After picking up William at school, we sat in the parking lot and waited on his sister. Every time a kid William recognized walked by, my son would slide open the van door and yell a hello. And each time I would ask him to shut the door. After about six little kids, six opened door, and six exhortations to keep the door shut, he finally asked, "Why do you want the door to stay shut?" I promptly replied, "Because you're letting the cold air out." And my son, being painfully aware of the obvious said, "It will make more cold air."

After considering his statement, I realized my son cared more about his relationships than his own comfort. So naturally (or not so naturally) I asked myself how much comfort would I give up in order to build relationships.

I can't help but think back to when my life was exceptionally uncomfortable, and how much relationships meant back then. When money was scarce and prosperity was only something you heard TV preachers talk about, relationships were essential because we needed each other to survive. Now that there's a tad more money and life is a bit more prosperous, isolation from people is tad more tempting and bit more common.

It even seems forgiveness was easier when relationships were a necessity to life. Now that we are more self sufficient, and relationships are not the necessity they once were, it seems easier to hold a grudge. Why not hold a grudge? If you don't need a relationship, then it only makes sense to not let it impinge on your comfort.

But scripture teaches us differently, as we are never completely self-sufficient. Oh, we might be able to achieve financial independence, but spiritually we are completely bankrupt apart from a relationship with Christ. And even after we turn from our sins and embrace Christ by faith, we not only still need relationships with other believers for good spiritual health, but we are commanded to make these relationships as we provide each other with accountability and disciple new believers.

So what is more important to you?  Building relationships, or keeping the cold air in?

 

Leaders Respond to Challenges

I just finished serving on a Mission Advance Team for our state convention's board of directors. Up until being asked to serve, I'd maintained more than a professional distance from the Baptist Building, partly due to the time consuming demands of my own meager world of ministry, and partly because of lesser impressive reasons. Therefore this was my first significant exposure to some our leaders at the BGCO while gaining a greater understanding and appreciation for the work they do.

I could express the honor of being asked to work on recommendations that may impact state convention work for years to come, I could talk about the invaluable time spent building relationships with many of the finest church leaders in our state, and I could discuss the leadership experience gleaned from discussing, evaluating, and focusing ideas. Space could easily be used to celebrate any or all these, but instead I'll give some words to the BGCO leaders themselves.

It’s been said that managers do things right while leaders do the right things. Perhaps one of my lesser impressive reasons for not sooner getting to know our state leaders was my simplistic understanding of who they were and what they do.  My understanding has improved.  Recognizing present challenges of economic shifts, the newly evolved landscape of ministry funding, and the intricate sensitivities of Baptist cooperation, our state convention leaders will not merely manage the challenges of our future, but they will lead a response that answers these challenges.

Careful consideration of this response will be everyone’s right and responsibility, and while complete agreement with every jot and tittle is unrealistic, I’m confident the course of action presented will be prayerful, decisive, equal to the task, and very worthy of our support.

To Date or Not To Date, Part 2

What do you look for when you're dating?  For some it's all about straight teeth, clear skin, and stylish clothes.  Physical attraction has its place in choosing who to date, but it's hardly the most important thing.  That's why you should pay attention to the people around you that you may find yourself dating.  Observe how they act when dating others, as that will indicate how they will act if they date you.

One of the major dinosaur tar pits of relationships is the needy person.  They are sometimes referred to as the "walking wounded."  They walk through life secretly nurturing a poor self image.  As a result they suck all the life out of every relationship they ever have.  They drive people crazy as they constantly need affection and validation in order to feel good about themselves.  So the sooner you can recognize needy people, the easier it will be to avoid a serious dating relationship with them, and a subsequent miserable marriage.

One way to recognize a needy date is when they agree with everything you say and like everything you say you like.  Of course they don't.  They just want you to believe the two of you have everything in common, because they want to be accepted by you at all costs.  And don't be surprised if they use the "L" word after only two weeks of dating.

So if you get duped by all this and decide to continue in the relationship, they will probably begin to complain because the two of you aren't close enough, or don't spend enough time together.  They will seek to dominate your schedule, while trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to spend every waking moment with them.  They will be paranoid about any dating competition and will get jealous at the drop of a hat, often calling every two hours to see where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with.

Another way to recognize a needy person is that they don't have a lot, if any, close friends.  They will be very hard on prospective friendships, because they constantly get their feelings hurt, they demand more time and attention, and they are jealous of other friends.

The bottom line is that needy people are looking for someone to meet their "needs."  And that is not the person you want for a life partner.  Remember, healthy relationships shouldn't be a constant burden that drains you of all your emotional energy, and then just demands more. 

Love "does not seek its own." 1 Corinthians 13:5

Thank God for Our Kids

Emily and William just finished their first glorious day of eighth and first grade, respectfully.  I find myself overwhelmed with the privilege of seeing this part of their lives, to be here for them, enjoy them, and watch them grow.  Their innocence (however brief) softened parts of my heart about which I'd long ago forgotten.  Their tenacity confounds me, and their affection humbles me.  In many ways my relationship with my kids has given me a greater appreciation of divine personality as I contemplate God's love and patience toward us.  Lord, give me more of that.

The privilege of children has alluded some, and those it hasn't often fail to recognize it as a privilege.  They get lost in their own problems, or somehow get distracted by less fulfilling endeavors.  Then one morning they wake up and the smell of a pet they never wanted is gone, the crafts from school and VBS no longer decorate the fridge, and the sound of majestic playfulness has been replaced by an aching silence that cries, "Should've paid more attention."  Lord, let that not be me.

One blessing of children I didn't anticipate (not that I fully anticipated any of it) is being able to find community with other like-minded parents of young children.  We share something that is hard to put in words.  It's sort of like the "Thank God for Our Kids" club.  I consider many of them to be some of my favorite people (if not dear friends) as our lives intersect at church, tee-ball games, and the school parking lot.  I suspect this is the stuff of which lifelong friendships are made.  Lord, bless them all.

Conflict Sells (and Tells)

When I was studying to be a writer (another dream unfulfilled) I learned about some of the techniques used in making a good story, things like having interesting and unique characters, showing the story rather than telling the story, and creating plenty of conflict.  I don't know for sure why we find conflict so interesting, but we certainly do.  The most popular Christian blogs are those which bring to light conflict among Christian leaders,  children will gather around conflict on the playground, and some never attend church business meetings unless they anticipate conflict.

What is it about conflict that draws our attention?  I'm not sure of the whole answer, but I came up with one possibility.  Maybe its because we want to witness the behavior of those involved.  Times of conflict often bring out a person's true character, and its their true character about which we are often the least informed and the most curious.

First Corinthians 11:19 "For there must also be factions among you, that those who are approved may be recognized among you."  

According to Paul, conflict is where the church recognizes its truly God-approved leaders.  As their true character is revealed in the heat of conflict, the church is allowed to distinguish between the peacemakers and the quarrelsome, between the temperate and the emotionally driven, between the sober-minded and the trivial-minded, between the submissive and the rebellious, between those who remain faithful and those who give up, between those who have God's mind and those who don't, and between those who can reason together and those who are unreasonable.

First Thessalonians 2:4 "But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts."

It is those who are tested and approved to which God entrusts ministry, and apparently God uses conflict as one of the tests.  So what does God show you during times of conflict?  What emerges as your true character?

True Gospel or False Gospel? And Does It Really Matter?

The Bible says in Galatians 1:8, “But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.” Paul says anyone who proclaims a false way to Heaven goes to Hell. That’s pretty strong language, which is understandable if we think about it.

Suppose that you believe in God, and you believe in Heaven and Hell, and you want to be sure you go to Heaven. So you begin a journey to find the way to Heaven, and during your journey you come across a person who seems nice and very sincere, and they give you a map that shows you the way to Heaven. You are so thankful that you eagerly take the map, and from that day forward you follow the map, looking forward to the day that you reach your destination, being eternal joy and happiness in Heaven.

And then finally the day comes when you pass over the threshold of death and into eternity, eager to enter the pearly gates and enjoy God forever. But something’s wrong. You’re not in Heaven, you’re in Hell. There’s no joy, no friends or family, and nothing that resembles a hint of happiness. To your horror, you realize the map you’d followed your entire life wasn’t the true way to Heaven, and now you can’t go back, as the door of hope was slammed shut in your dying. Your entire existence has been baptized into the torment of God’s judgment. Forever.

No wonder the Bible speaks so severely to those who proclaim a false gospel. So lets go to the map that God Himself inspired for the true way to Heaven, the true gospel. 1 Timothy 2:3-4 says, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” In other words, to understand the true gospel, one must understand some basic knowledge.

1) To understand the true gospel, one must understand SIN. When the first man, Adam, disobeyed God, he and his descendants (that includes you) lost their innocence, becoming corrupt in nature, acquiring the penalty of spiritual and physical death. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.”

2) To understand the true gospel, one must understand JUDGMENT. Romans 2:16 says, “In the day when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ, according to my gospel.” The sin of Adam and his descendants (again, that includes you) personally offended God, causing all of man to become the object of God’s wrath, hopelessly lost, waiting for the day when we give an account before God. Matthew 12:36 says, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.”

3) To understand the true gospel, one must understand CHRIST. Since mankind (again, you) is completely unable to recover its innocence, God inserted Himself into humanity in the person of Jesus Christ. He lived a life of sinless innocence. Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus “was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

4) To understand the true gospel, one must understand SUBSTITUTIONARY ATONEMENT. Since Jesus lived a life without sin, his death on the cross was a death for our sins, taking God’s wrath and judgment in our place. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” Christ’s substitutionary death makes it possible for our sins to be forgiven and to have His righteousness attributed to us.

5) To understand the true gospel, one must understand the RESURRECTION. 2 Timothy 2:8 says, “Remember that Jesus Christ…was raised from the dead according to my gospel.” Three days after Jesus was buried He was raised from the dead, proving He was indeed God’s Son. Romans 1:4 says that Jesus was “declared to be the Son of God with power… by the resurrection from the dead.” Jesus’ resurrection prefigures the resurrection of all who embrace the true gospel. 1 Corinthians 15:20 says, “But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” Jesus’ death and resurrection calls us to die to our old life and to live a new life. Romans 6:4 says, “Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.”

6) To understand the true gospel, one must understand REPENTANCE. Luke 13:3 says, “But unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” Repentance is when one turns away from all sin. This involves one’s mind, emotions, and will. In other words, one intellectually understands sin to be evil and offensive to God, resulting in an emotional response as sin becomes repulsive, further resulting in a change of will as one desires to stop sinning and to begin doing what is right. Acts 26:20 says, “That they should repent, turn to God, and do works befitting repentance.”

7) To understand the true gospel, one must understand FAITH. Faith is more than just believing the facts about Jesus, but it is confessing Him as Savior and submitting to Him as Lord. John 3:36 says, “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.” Notice that John mentions obedience as a synonym for believing. Acts 6:7 says, “Then the word of God spread, and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were obedient to the faith.” Genuine faith results in the birth of a disciple who obeys Christ as Lord.

As you can see, the true gospel is radically different than a lot of false gospels you may have heard. So have you embraced the true gospel? Or are you still under the heavy hand of God’s wrath, looking forward to His judgment? When you die, will you be surprised you’re not in Heaven because you followed a false gospel? I leave you with Paul’s challenge from 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified.”

Dealing With Discouragement

"Oh give me a home where the buffalo rome and the deer and the antelope play, where seldom is heard a discouraging word."  What would life be like if we never heard a discouraging word, had a discouraging thought, or experienced discouraging circumstances?  Better I suspect.

So where does discouragement come from?  First of all, we have chronic complainers and critics.  These poor souls never seem to realize that their glass-half-empty outlook on life can have detrimental effects on people around them.  So they engage in the very fun activity (fun for them, at least) of second guessing all decisions, picking apart any plans, and general griping of all kinds.  Sometimes their concerns are legitimate and need to be voiced, but many times they are little more than petty soapbox issues which divert precious energy from legitimately important concerns.

A second source of discouragement comes not from people, but from circumstances.  And just like discouraging people, discouraging circumstances grow in all kinds of soil.  These can be related to our health, our employment, our family, our ministry, or anything in between.  These circumstances can often congregate together, making them almost overwhelming, and again zapping us of valuable energy.

The third source of discouragement comes not from people, or circumstances, but from one's self.  That's right.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to discouragement, as we can fail to be thankful for all God has blessed us with and begin to focus on all we don't have and all we haven't accomplished.  

And worse yet, some of us have tape recorders in our heads that replays every negative and critical thing that's ever been said to us, and it reminds us of every disadvantageous circumstance we've learned to live with.  And every time we have an opportunity to take some spiritual ground back from the enemy, he rewinds the tape recorder and replays everything, and we become discouraged.

So now how about some practical advice for avoiding discouragement.  First of all, limit your exposure (if possible) to the chronic complainers and critics.  If you surround yourself with glass-half-empty people, you'll end up feeling like a half-empty life.  Secondly, try to see God's sovereignty using the circumstances of life to do some work on your character.  If you fail to see God at work, then life just becomes one big unfair discouraging mess.  Thirdly, intentionally focus on all of which God has blessed you, and see God as the true source of those blessings.  And for crying out loud, stop comparing your life to the lives of your siblings, friends, or anyone else.  Be thankful for the life God has given you, and see it as your opportunity to spend yourself to make a difference in the lives of those around you.

And then lastly, and most importantly, smash the tape recorder of the past.  Take it and drop it off a cliff and watch it crash on the rocks below.  Paul said in Philippians 3:13, "But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead."  Stop being shackled to the discouragement of your past, and let today be the beginning of the very best God desires for you.

What I observed at Mission OKC...

I had a great three days with our youth on mission in OKC.  One reason it was so relaxing is because our youth  have such great leadership in Tyler Geohagan, and for me to say that about a youth minister is no small thing.  So I just got to love Jesus, do mission work, and quietly observe.

As I observed our young people in action, I must say I was thoroughly impressed with the ranks of our youth ministry.  I don't believe I heard one real complaint by anyone during the whole trip, and considering the average age of our mission team, and the thermally enhanced weather conditions, this anomaly of non-complaining was all the more impressive. 

But having no need for a complaint department was not the only thing that encouraged me about this young generation of Jesus-following whippersnappers.  They also worked.  And I don't mean they just did a good job, but they worked harder as volunteers than many who get paid.  Better yet, they did it all with staggering enthusiasm.  It was almost as if serving the Lord was a privilege for them.

And lastly, I observed no female drama queens or testosterone driven bullies.  There was no crying or yelling or fit-throwing.  There was no foot stomping or door slamming or homesick whining.  Instead everyone was surprisingly comfortable in their own skin.  So whether one chose to be silly or goofy or downright weird, no one seemed to mind, as it appeared they were only there for one reason: to lift up the name of Jesus and push back the encroaching darkness.  And push back they did.

To Date or Not to Date...

Many girls spend an ample amount of time dreaming of their Prince Charming, which makes sense in light of the fact that they've been secretly planning their wedding since they were old enough to play with Wedding Day Barbie.  OK, maybe that's a little stereotypical, but I suspect I'm not far off base for many of you.  So if you are a girl who might fit into this scenerio, I would encourage you to keep reading, because what I'm going to share with you is how to tell the difference between a possible Mr. Right and a probable Mr. Wrong.

First of all, I would personally recommend no serious dating until you are in your twenties and out of college, but that's just me.  Because the truth is that serious dating can get in the way of important things in life, like getting your education, not to mention that if you can wait until then you'll probably be wiser in picking the right kind of guy for courtship (that's an old school word for dating).  Now when I say serious dating, I'm talking about dating for the clear purpose of finding your life partner.  This kind of dating is different from casual dating in that it has steps that progressively leads to an emotional connection, a.k.a. twitterpated (if you don't what that means, ask your parents).  Casual dating on the other hand doesn't have steps, therefore it should never progress beyond "casual" conversation and friendship.

Nonetheless, it is quite important to have some criteria even for the casual dating, because believe it or not casual dating has a mysterious way of becoming serious dating almost on accident if your not careful, and trust me, you don't want to be in the place where you've accidently given your heart to the wrong guy. 
So lets move on to a few proven techniques to avoid dating Bobcat Goldtwait's evil twin, Joe Bob:

1) Don't date a boy who is not growing in his relationship to the Lord.  In other words, don't take on a possible husband as your personal discipleship project.  He should be serious about his own spiritual pursuit of maturing in the grace and knowledge of Christ.  And don't think that just because he's mastered Bible Trivial Pursuit that he's truely growing spiritually.  Remember, he could possibly be the spiritual leader of your home someday, so you be sure he's the real deal.

2) Don't date a boy lacking in basic integrity.  If he lies to his parents (especially his mom) or sneaks out of the house to come see you, then he might as well have DON'T DATE ME tattooed on his forehead.  And if you try to confront him about his lack of integrity just to have him defend his actions, then mention to him my favorite Patrick Swayze quote from Road House, "Take the train."

3) Don't date a boy who is selfish.  Does he donate his time and services freely?  Does he visit his elderly grandmother in the nursing home?  Is he kind to children and strangers?  Is he patient with the waitress who got his order wrong?  If not, then move on, because you deserve better.

4) Don't date a boy who can't laugh at himself.  Can he tell a story where he looked foolish, and laugh about it?  If he takes himself too seriously to laugh at himself, then he's not right for you.  And when he laughs at others, can he do so without being cruel and unkind? 

5) Don't date a boy that you have to ask out, or who gets his feelings hurt too easily.  Remember that emotional issues often come by the dozen, so if he doesn't have the courage to ask you out on a date, or he gets his feelings hurt by the smallest things, then that's probably only the tip of the iceberg of his emotional baggage.  And trust me, your affection won't change him, but rather it will only make his emotional instability come to the surface and stay there like a perpetual boil.

6) Don't date a boy that your parents don't like.  This is usually a dead giveaway that girls often ignore.  Your parents will often see things about a boy that you won't always recognize, so for crying out loud, trust their judgment.


Parts of this post are adaptations from a lecture by Alistair Begg.

Richard Wallace

I had made Richard Wallace's acquaintance only once or twice at children's birthday parties where we swapped handshakes and how-are-ya's.  But when I heard he had been diagnosed with a serious disease, like many others, I went to visit him at his home.  This was the first time I'd gotten to know someone my own age who knew they were getting ready to leave this world, and because of Richard, I will not soon forget it. 

We talked about his illness, our families, and the Lord.  Richard was very hospitable and our lives did share some similarities, at least a few anyway.  But there was more going on with Richard than just good hospitality, something I may not have seen had it not been for Richard himself.  And now that I see it I wish I'd paid more attention.  Because it was during that time of illness when eternity was racing upon him that God Himself was drawing near. 

It's interesting how people in the Bible reacted when God drew near, but mostly I love what Job said in Job 42:5-6, "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes."

Richard had the unique opportunity to have his own words read at his funeral, and he talked about his repentance from sin and his faith in the cross of Christ.  He said he once worked almost a whole year with only a handful of days off, and how at the time he was very proud of that, but not anymore.  He now had become quite ashamed of it, realizing he had given too much time to his work and not enough time to his family. 

Just like Job, when God came near, the light of His presence allowed Richard to see his sin the way God saw it.  And Richard made the choice to repent.  As a result, he could testify at his own funeral to the goodness of a God who healed him spiritually in the midst of physical illness.

Richard's example challenges us in many ways, and causes us to ask several questions.  Like how do we respond to the unexpected challenges of life?  Do we let God draw near to us?  Do we allow Him to show us how offensive our sin is to Him, causing us to see more clearly our need of his grace and forgiveness?  Do we let him heal us spiritually?  Or do we resentfully try to push God away, looking for someone to blame, resulting in further spiritual emptiness? 

It doesn't have to be that way.  It wasn't for Richard.

Don't Be a Victim

Victim: a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency.

Not many can escape being a victim, as life is full of hurtful words, disappointments, neglect, rejection, abuse, and even life shattering events. These are a part of living in a fallen creation, and therefore we are all victims of something at some point.  But do we need see ourselves as victims?  Do we need to nurture the victim mentality?  Do we need to remain in the hole in which life buries us? 

I once heard that life was ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to what happens to you.  Dr. Frankyl was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp who said something like this, "They could take away my clothes, cut off all my hair, take away my name and give me a number, but one thing they couldn't take from me was my freedom to choose how I respond."

I love the words that Joseph spoke to his brothers who sold him into slavery when he was a boy.  Genesis 45:5 (NKJV) "But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life."

Joseph went through some deep trials as a result of his brothers' sin against him, but he refused to see himself as a victim.  Instead he saw God's sovereignty all around him, realizing that he was on a divine journey in which God was preparing him to be an instrument of grace and life.  Therefore, instead of living like a victim, he lived by faith and obedience to God. 

So are you fearful, angry, or bitter?  Are you a quitter?  Do you avoid challenges and difficulties even though they may be good for you?  Do you constantly take the easy way out?  In other words, are you living your life as a victim?  Or do you believe God has you on a journey, using challenges and difficult things to prepare you to be an instrument of grace and life?  I challenge you to believe the latter and step out of the shadows of fear and mediocrity, and dare to obey God and live by faith.

Legacy

Recent weeks have provoked much thought about different things, one being the concept of one's legacy.  A legacy is anything handed down from one generation to the next.  In a sense, it's what remains of you when you're gone, that for which you will be remembered.

Considering the brevity of life, our love of the next generation, and the obvious importance of making a difference, what we leave behind and that for which we will be remembered demands our attention, and calls us to deternmine how to leave behind what we desire the next generation to have.

Do you want to be remembered for your career?  Your achievements?  Your possessions?  If you're like me you may think of those as being a bit shallow, at least as far as legacies go.  Maybe you'd like to be remembered for your commitment to friends, family, and faith.  Yet perhaps you'd be even more specific with your desired legacy, such as serving in ministry, winning the lost, or building a church.

Regardless of what you desire your legacy to be, the question remains: How do you make it happen?  How do you pass on that which is worthy?  How do you leave one legacy as opposed to leaving another?  This question is of the utmost importance, especially considering that you only get one shot.  Once a legacy is left, I'm afraid there's no re-do's. 

The question I challenge you to ask yourself is this: What are you passionate about?  That's what people will remember.  You may want to be remembered as a servant of others, but that won't happen if you are passionate about serving yourself.  You won't pass on cooperation if you're passionate about doing things your own way.  If you want to leave a legacy of importance, don't be passionate about things that are unimportant.  Might I suggest leaving a gospel legacy, therefore being passionate about that which Jesus was most passionate, about the one thing that draws a line through eternity. 

1Co 15:4 "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures."

True Disciples

Well, its been three days since we heard the news that Renda and Shelby went home to be with Lord.  That's an interesting phrase, isn't it, "Home to be with the Lord."  We often hear those words during times like these, particularly among believers. 

I looked up the word "home" in the Webster's Online Dictionary and one entry said, "a place of origin."  In a sense, that definition is appropriate for Renda and Shelby as their very life originated with God, but I like another entry that speaks of home as a place of refuge.

You see, this world we live in is not what God originally intended it to be.  When God created it, it was perfect and safe and it was man's "home" with God.

But when sin entered, all of creation including man himself fell into a perpetual state of hostility toward God.  In other words, this world was no longer the home God intended it to be.  It's no wonder Jesus told his disciples, "I go to prepare a place for you."  But notice that Jesus didn't say he was going to prepare a place for everyone, he was speaking to His disciples.  So I also looked "disciple" up in the dictionary.  It said, "one who accepts and assists in the spreading of the doctrines of another."  That certainly described Renda and Shelby as they served with our church in promoting and spreading the teachings of Christ. 

But does it describe you?  You see, a true disciple of Christ is one who has seen their sin as personally offensive to God, deserving of his wrath in eternity.  And until you see your sin as something that profoundly offends God, you will never be able to see what Renda and Shelby saw.  They saw Jesus' death as God's Son dying in their place, dying the death they themselves deserved, taking God's wrath for sin He didn't commit.  And Renda and Shelby turned away from sin and they accepted Jesus' dying for them by faith, therefore becoming true disciples. 

So, the question now becomes, have you ever become a true disciple?  Is Jesus preparing a place for you?

Tribute to Berry Leland Heath (1946-2010)

As a teenager I was not the epitome of American youth.  In fact, I exemplified everything you didn't want your son to be.  I was spiritually wounded, emotionally angry, and physically unkempt.  Oh I might have had potential, but I was well on my way to flushing anything that society would have deemed valuable. 

But then I met Jonny and Phillip Heath, or better yet, they met me.  I don’t know to this day why they chose to reach out to me other than the possibility that they were raised that way.  You see, I believe you can tell a lot about a man by the kind of children he raises, and Berry’s two oldest boys became my friends during a time when most people pointed to me as the worst case scenario.

It was Berry who gave me a job as a dishwasher at the Heath’s Restaurant, and later I learned to cook.  It wasn’t long until I became somewhat of a fixture around the Heath home, as Jonny and Phillip became my unlikely best friends for my last couple of years of high school.  I still think of those days often.

My home was quite difficult and even violent at times, but Berry and his family gave me a place where I felt safe, a place where I felt accepted.  The more I reflect on those two summers the more I believe God’s providence used Berry and his family to teach me about true grace and genuine kindness.  Berry and his family will always be remembered as ones who made a difference in my life when a difference was desperately needed.  God bless them.

Proverbs 19:22  "What is desired in a man is kindness"

"But what if I never do anything wrong?"

I jokingly asked Willliam if he wanted his spanking now or later.  He gave me a quizzical look, asking, "Why would you give me a spanking?  I haven't done anything wrong."  I told him it would be a spanking for something he hasn't done yet, so that when that happens we will already have the spanking behind us.  He then profoundly replied, "But what if I never do anything wrong?"

Wouldn't that be a nice possibility?  To look toward the future with a naive scheme of never making a mistake, never speaking an ill word, never having selfish motives, never nurturing a sinful attitude.  Yet, many people seem to live life with exactly this philosophy, truly believing that they never do anything wrong. 

Maybe you could consider how many times you've apologized to anyone in the past few years.  Do you apologize on a regular basis, or do feel you deserve apologies from others?  Do you spend most of your time observing the faults of others, or do you spend more time working on your own faults?  Do you feel its your God-given responsibility to recognize the mistakes of others and point them out, or do you feel you have enough of your own mistakes to occupy your time?  Do you spend much of your time angry because other people are always at fault, or do you ever stop to consider if you're the problem?  Do you expect perfection from others, while feeling that you yourself are perfect?  Are you ever wrong, or are you always right?

Meth is Not Your Problem, You Are

I remember when I first thought I'd discovered the source of my problems, the source of all my woes. I looked down at the rock on the aluminum foil, staring at it for a time as I contemplated my life, or death, depending on how you choose to look at it. Finally I accepted the fact that my whole life revolved around meth. Every friend and acquaintance used meth, every trip I took had meth as its goal, and I saw for the very first time that if I didn't change I would certainly die, or be as good as dead.

Knowing my life was hanging in the balance, I did something unusual.  I wrote on a piece of paper everything I'd realized, all the heavy thoughts of this revelation, and I put it in my wallet, and every time I would think about doing meth I would just pull it out and read it.

And to take a step in the right direction I moved to a relatives house out of state with the hope of building a new life from the ground up.  I made it about two weeks before I moved back. But even though I came back I stayed on the straight and narrow for about 4 more weeks, even went to church a couple of times. When it was all said and done, fifty-two days was my very best effort, and the piece of paper was never pulled from my wallet.

I resumed using meth as if I'd never missed a beat, spiraling further and further downward, losing more and more pieces of my life, avoiding the obvious truth, the truth that I was trapped with no way out. My best effort failed and I didn't have the strength or inspiration to try again.

It was there in the twilight between death and hope that I asked a much larger question. Is there a God? Was the God my mother taught me to believe in real? And if He was real, would He help me? I had been to church enough as a child and young teenager to know about Christ and the cross. I had even walked the isle and made a profession of faith at the ripe old age of eleven. But a lot had happened since then.

Since then I'd experienced the pain of abuse and neglect and rejection. I had a wounded spirit, therefore my self-destructive behavior was justified, at least that's what I believed. If it wasn't for my mom, or if it wasn't for my step-dad, or if it wasn't for God putting me here, I wouldn't be in such a mess. There was no way that all of this could have been my fault.

But something new happened that night as I looked toward God. I realized and admitted that it was no one else's fault but mine. I made all the choices that led me to where I was, and I could blame no one but myself for what my life had become. You see, my problem wasn't my drug abuse, my problem was me, and therefore I deserved whatever destruction I had coming, in this life or the next.

And somewhere in the midst of this time of honesty before God I made another choice. I went back to the cross of Christ I learned about as a child and somehow I found the faith to believe His death was for me, and seeing my selfish choices for what they were, I left them behind and chose to follow Him.

The spiritual, psychological, and physical recovery was long and difficult at times, and I may write more about that later, but all in all, Christ took what was left of my broken life and gave me a new life, not only one that is drug free, but also true, productive, and meaningful.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

By the way, its been more than fifteen years since I've used meth.

Friends Indeed

I watched Toy Story 3 this evening.  I was not a Toy Story fan, but I thoroughly enjoyed the third installment of Pixar's pioneer animations.  These toys had spent their lives being the pride and joy of a little boy as he took them through one imaginary adventure after another.  Finally the boy had grown up and had little need for his childhood toys, and therefore they embark upon a journey to determine their fate. 

As they dove headlong into an unknown future, they soon discovered that they would need each other more than ever, and even though they often disagreed and fought from time to time, when it went from bad to worse they would lay it all on the line for each other. 

I can't help but think of what we have in true friends, friends of faith.  Though we may know our ultimate future, our immediate is always somewhat of a mystery as we never know exactly what lay ahead.  But to have people of faith, to have true friends, comrade's who will lay it all down when the situation of life calls for it, this is rare thing even among those of faith and must be a ministry from the Lord himself, without which I know not what I would do.