To Date or Not to Date...

Many girls spend an ample amount of time dreaming of their Prince Charming, which makes sense in light of the fact that they've been secretly planning their wedding since they were old enough to play with Wedding Day Barbie.  OK, maybe that's a little stereotypical, but I suspect I'm not far off base for many of you.  So if you are a girl who might fit into this scenerio, I would encourage you to keep reading, because what I'm going to share with you is how to tell the difference between a possible Mr. Right and a probable Mr. Wrong.

First of all, I would personally recommend no serious dating until you are in your twenties and out of college, but that's just me.  Because the truth is that serious dating can get in the way of important things in life, like getting your education, not to mention that if you can wait until then you'll probably be wiser in picking the right kind of guy for courtship (that's an old school word for dating).  Now when I say serious dating, I'm talking about dating for the clear purpose of finding your life partner.  This kind of dating is different from casual dating in that it has steps that progressively leads to an emotional connection, a.k.a. twitterpated (if you don't what that means, ask your parents).  Casual dating on the other hand doesn't have steps, therefore it should never progress beyond "casual" conversation and friendship.

Nonetheless, it is quite important to have some criteria even for the casual dating, because believe it or not casual dating has a mysterious way of becoming serious dating almost on accident if your not careful, and trust me, you don't want to be in the place where you've accidently given your heart to the wrong guy. 
So lets move on to a few proven techniques to avoid dating Bobcat Goldtwait's evil twin, Joe Bob:

1) Don't date a boy who is not growing in his relationship to the Lord.  In other words, don't take on a possible husband as your personal discipleship project.  He should be serious about his own spiritual pursuit of maturing in the grace and knowledge of Christ.  And don't think that just because he's mastered Bible Trivial Pursuit that he's truely growing spiritually.  Remember, he could possibly be the spiritual leader of your home someday, so you be sure he's the real deal.

2) Don't date a boy lacking in basic integrity.  If he lies to his parents (especially his mom) or sneaks out of the house to come see you, then he might as well have DON'T DATE ME tattooed on his forehead.  And if you try to confront him about his lack of integrity just to have him defend his actions, then mention to him my favorite Patrick Swayze quote from Road House, "Take the train."

3) Don't date a boy who is selfish.  Does he donate his time and services freely?  Does he visit his elderly grandmother in the nursing home?  Is he kind to children and strangers?  Is he patient with the waitress who got his order wrong?  If not, then move on, because you deserve better.

4) Don't date a boy who can't laugh at himself.  Can he tell a story where he looked foolish, and laugh about it?  If he takes himself too seriously to laugh at himself, then he's not right for you.  And when he laughs at others, can he do so without being cruel and unkind? 

5) Don't date a boy that you have to ask out, or who gets his feelings hurt too easily.  Remember that emotional issues often come by the dozen, so if he doesn't have the courage to ask you out on a date, or he gets his feelings hurt by the smallest things, then that's probably only the tip of the iceberg of his emotional baggage.  And trust me, your affection won't change him, but rather it will only make his emotional instability come to the surface and stay there like a perpetual boil.

6) Don't date a boy that your parents don't like.  This is usually a dead giveaway that girls often ignore.  Your parents will often see things about a boy that you won't always recognize, so for crying out loud, trust their judgment.


Parts of this post are adaptations from a lecture by Alistair Begg.

Richard Wallace

I had made Richard Wallace's acquaintance only once or twice at children's birthday parties where we swapped handshakes and how-are-ya's.  But when I heard he had been diagnosed with a serious disease, like many others, I went to visit him at his home.  This was the first time I'd gotten to know someone my own age who knew they were getting ready to leave this world, and because of Richard, I will not soon forget it. 

We talked about his illness, our families, and the Lord.  Richard was very hospitable and our lives did share some similarities, at least a few anyway.  But there was more going on with Richard than just good hospitality, something I may not have seen had it not been for Richard himself.  And now that I see it I wish I'd paid more attention.  Because it was during that time of illness when eternity was racing upon him that God Himself was drawing near. 

It's interesting how people in the Bible reacted when God drew near, but mostly I love what Job said in Job 42:5-6, "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes."

Richard had the unique opportunity to have his own words read at his funeral, and he talked about his repentance from sin and his faith in the cross of Christ.  He said he once worked almost a whole year with only a handful of days off, and how at the time he was very proud of that, but not anymore.  He now had become quite ashamed of it, realizing he had given too much time to his work and not enough time to his family. 

Just like Job, when God came near, the light of His presence allowed Richard to see his sin the way God saw it.  And Richard made the choice to repent.  As a result, he could testify at his own funeral to the goodness of a God who healed him spiritually in the midst of physical illness.

Richard's example challenges us in many ways, and causes us to ask several questions.  Like how do we respond to the unexpected challenges of life?  Do we let God draw near to us?  Do we allow Him to show us how offensive our sin is to Him, causing us to see more clearly our need of his grace and forgiveness?  Do we let him heal us spiritually?  Or do we resentfully try to push God away, looking for someone to blame, resulting in further spiritual emptiness? 

It doesn't have to be that way.  It wasn't for Richard.

Don't Be a Victim

Victim: a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency.

Not many can escape being a victim, as life is full of hurtful words, disappointments, neglect, rejection, abuse, and even life shattering events. These are a part of living in a fallen creation, and therefore we are all victims of something at some point.  But do we need see ourselves as victims?  Do we need to nurture the victim mentality?  Do we need to remain in the hole in which life buries us? 

I once heard that life was ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to what happens to you.  Dr. Frankyl was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp who said something like this, "They could take away my clothes, cut off all my hair, take away my name and give me a number, but one thing they couldn't take from me was my freedom to choose how I respond."

I love the words that Joseph spoke to his brothers who sold him into slavery when he was a boy.  Genesis 45:5 (NKJV) "But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life."

Joseph went through some deep trials as a result of his brothers' sin against him, but he refused to see himself as a victim.  Instead he saw God's sovereignty all around him, realizing that he was on a divine journey in which God was preparing him to be an instrument of grace and life.  Therefore, instead of living like a victim, he lived by faith and obedience to God. 

So are you fearful, angry, or bitter?  Are you a quitter?  Do you avoid challenges and difficulties even though they may be good for you?  Do you constantly take the easy way out?  In other words, are you living your life as a victim?  Or do you believe God has you on a journey, using challenges and difficult things to prepare you to be an instrument of grace and life?  I challenge you to believe the latter and step out of the shadows of fear and mediocrity, and dare to obey God and live by faith.

Legacy

Recent weeks have provoked much thought about different things, one being the concept of one's legacy.  A legacy is anything handed down from one generation to the next.  In a sense, it's what remains of you when you're gone, that for which you will be remembered.

Considering the brevity of life, our love of the next generation, and the obvious importance of making a difference, what we leave behind and that for which we will be remembered demands our attention, and calls us to deternmine how to leave behind what we desire the next generation to have.

Do you want to be remembered for your career?  Your achievements?  Your possessions?  If you're like me you may think of those as being a bit shallow, at least as far as legacies go.  Maybe you'd like to be remembered for your commitment to friends, family, and faith.  Yet perhaps you'd be even more specific with your desired legacy, such as serving in ministry, winning the lost, or building a church.

Regardless of what you desire your legacy to be, the question remains: How do you make it happen?  How do you pass on that which is worthy?  How do you leave one legacy as opposed to leaving another?  This question is of the utmost importance, especially considering that you only get one shot.  Once a legacy is left, I'm afraid there's no re-do's. 

The question I challenge you to ask yourself is this: What are you passionate about?  That's what people will remember.  You may want to be remembered as a servant of others, but that won't happen if you are passionate about serving yourself.  You won't pass on cooperation if you're passionate about doing things your own way.  If you want to leave a legacy of importance, don't be passionate about things that are unimportant.  Might I suggest leaving a gospel legacy, therefore being passionate about that which Jesus was most passionate, about the one thing that draws a line through eternity. 

1Co 15:4 "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures."

True Disciples

Well, its been three days since we heard the news that Renda and Shelby went home to be with Lord.  That's an interesting phrase, isn't it, "Home to be with the Lord."  We often hear those words during times like these, particularly among believers. 

I looked up the word "home" in the Webster's Online Dictionary and one entry said, "a place of origin."  In a sense, that definition is appropriate for Renda and Shelby as their very life originated with God, but I like another entry that speaks of home as a place of refuge.

You see, this world we live in is not what God originally intended it to be.  When God created it, it was perfect and safe and it was man's "home" with God.

But when sin entered, all of creation including man himself fell into a perpetual state of hostility toward God.  In other words, this world was no longer the home God intended it to be.  It's no wonder Jesus told his disciples, "I go to prepare a place for you."  But notice that Jesus didn't say he was going to prepare a place for everyone, he was speaking to His disciples.  So I also looked "disciple" up in the dictionary.  It said, "one who accepts and assists in the spreading of the doctrines of another."  That certainly described Renda and Shelby as they served with our church in promoting and spreading the teachings of Christ. 

But does it describe you?  You see, a true disciple of Christ is one who has seen their sin as personally offensive to God, deserving of his wrath in eternity.  And until you see your sin as something that profoundly offends God, you will never be able to see what Renda and Shelby saw.  They saw Jesus' death as God's Son dying in their place, dying the death they themselves deserved, taking God's wrath for sin He didn't commit.  And Renda and Shelby turned away from sin and they accepted Jesus' dying for them by faith, therefore becoming true disciples. 

So, the question now becomes, have you ever become a true disciple?  Is Jesus preparing a place for you?

Tribute to Berry Leland Heath (1946-2010)

As a teenager I was not the epitome of American youth.  In fact, I exemplified everything you didn't want your son to be.  I was spiritually wounded, emotionally angry, and physically unkempt.  Oh I might have had potential, but I was well on my way to flushing anything that society would have deemed valuable. 

But then I met Jonny and Phillip Heath, or better yet, they met me.  I don’t know to this day why they chose to reach out to me other than the possibility that they were raised that way.  You see, I believe you can tell a lot about a man by the kind of children he raises, and Berry’s two oldest boys became my friends during a time when most people pointed to me as the worst case scenario.

It was Berry who gave me a job as a dishwasher at the Heath’s Restaurant, and later I learned to cook.  It wasn’t long until I became somewhat of a fixture around the Heath home, as Jonny and Phillip became my unlikely best friends for my last couple of years of high school.  I still think of those days often.

My home was quite difficult and even violent at times, but Berry and his family gave me a place where I felt safe, a place where I felt accepted.  The more I reflect on those two summers the more I believe God’s providence used Berry and his family to teach me about true grace and genuine kindness.  Berry and his family will always be remembered as ones who made a difference in my life when a difference was desperately needed.  God bless them.

Proverbs 19:22  "What is desired in a man is kindness"

"But what if I never do anything wrong?"

I jokingly asked Willliam if he wanted his spanking now or later.  He gave me a quizzical look, asking, "Why would you give me a spanking?  I haven't done anything wrong."  I told him it would be a spanking for something he hasn't done yet, so that when that happens we will already have the spanking behind us.  He then profoundly replied, "But what if I never do anything wrong?"

Wouldn't that be a nice possibility?  To look toward the future with a naive scheme of never making a mistake, never speaking an ill word, never having selfish motives, never nurturing a sinful attitude.  Yet, many people seem to live life with exactly this philosophy, truly believing that they never do anything wrong. 

Maybe you could consider how many times you've apologized to anyone in the past few years.  Do you apologize on a regular basis, or do feel you deserve apologies from others?  Do you spend most of your time observing the faults of others, or do you spend more time working on your own faults?  Do you feel its your God-given responsibility to recognize the mistakes of others and point them out, or do you feel you have enough of your own mistakes to occupy your time?  Do you spend much of your time angry because other people are always at fault, or do you ever stop to consider if you're the problem?  Do you expect perfection from others, while feeling that you yourself are perfect?  Are you ever wrong, or are you always right?

Meth is Not Your Problem, You Are

I remember when I first thought I'd discovered the source of my problems, the source of all my woes. I looked down at the rock on the aluminum foil, staring at it for a time as I contemplated my life, or death, depending on how you choose to look at it. Finally I accepted the fact that my whole life revolved around meth. Every friend and acquaintance used meth, every trip I took had meth as its goal, and I saw for the very first time that if I didn't change I would certainly die, or be as good as dead.

Knowing my life was hanging in the balance, I did something unusual.  I wrote on a piece of paper everything I'd realized, all the heavy thoughts of this revelation, and I put it in my wallet, and every time I would think about doing meth I would just pull it out and read it.

And to take a step in the right direction I moved to a relatives house out of state with the hope of building a new life from the ground up.  I made it about two weeks before I moved back. But even though I came back I stayed on the straight and narrow for about 4 more weeks, even went to church a couple of times. When it was all said and done, fifty-two days was my very best effort, and the piece of paper was never pulled from my wallet.

I resumed using meth as if I'd never missed a beat, spiraling further and further downward, losing more and more pieces of my life, avoiding the obvious truth, the truth that I was trapped with no way out. My best effort failed and I didn't have the strength or inspiration to try again.

It was there in the twilight between death and hope that I asked a much larger question. Is there a God? Was the God my mother taught me to believe in real? And if He was real, would He help me? I had been to church enough as a child and young teenager to know about Christ and the cross. I had even walked the isle and made a profession of faith at the ripe old age of eleven. But a lot had happened since then.

Since then I'd experienced the pain of abuse and neglect and rejection. I had a wounded spirit, therefore my self-destructive behavior was justified, at least that's what I believed. If it wasn't for my mom, or if it wasn't for my step-dad, or if it wasn't for God putting me here, I wouldn't be in such a mess. There was no way that all of this could have been my fault.

But something new happened that night as I looked toward God. I realized and admitted that it was no one else's fault but mine. I made all the choices that led me to where I was, and I could blame no one but myself for what my life had become. You see, my problem wasn't my drug abuse, my problem was me, and therefore I deserved whatever destruction I had coming, in this life or the next.

And somewhere in the midst of this time of honesty before God I made another choice. I went back to the cross of Christ I learned about as a child and somehow I found the faith to believe His death was for me, and seeing my selfish choices for what they were, I left them behind and chose to follow Him.

The spiritual, psychological, and physical recovery was long and difficult at times, and I may write more about that later, but all in all, Christ took what was left of my broken life and gave me a new life, not only one that is drug free, but also true, productive, and meaningful.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

By the way, its been more than fifteen years since I've used meth.