To Date or Not To Date, Part 2

What do you look for when you're dating?  For some it's all about straight teeth, clear skin, and stylish clothes.  Physical attraction has its place in choosing who to date, but it's hardly the most important thing.  That's why you should pay attention to the people around you that you may find yourself dating.  Observe how they act when dating others, as that will indicate how they will act if they date you.

One of the major dinosaur tar pits of relationships is the needy person.  They are sometimes referred to as the "walking wounded."  They walk through life secretly nurturing a poor self image.  As a result they suck all the life out of every relationship they ever have.  They drive people crazy as they constantly need affection and validation in order to feel good about themselves.  So the sooner you can recognize needy people, the easier it will be to avoid a serious dating relationship with them, and a subsequent miserable marriage.

One way to recognize a needy date is when they agree with everything you say and like everything you say you like.  Of course they don't.  They just want you to believe the two of you have everything in common, because they want to be accepted by you at all costs.  And don't be surprised if they use the "L" word after only two weeks of dating.

So if you get duped by all this and decide to continue in the relationship, they will probably begin to complain because the two of you aren't close enough, or don't spend enough time together.  They will seek to dominate your schedule, while trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to spend every waking moment with them.  They will be paranoid about any dating competition and will get jealous at the drop of a hat, often calling every two hours to see where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with.

Another way to recognize a needy person is that they don't have a lot, if any, close friends.  They will be very hard on prospective friendships, because they constantly get their feelings hurt, they demand more time and attention, and they are jealous of other friends.

The bottom line is that needy people are looking for someone to meet their "needs."  And that is not the person you want for a life partner.  Remember, healthy relationships shouldn't be a constant burden that drains you of all your emotional energy, and then just demands more. 

Love "does not seek its own." 1 Corinthians 13:5