The success of the London based author coincides with the British Home Office seeking to widen the definition of Domestic Abuse to include coercive control in addition to physical violence. It’s therefore a bit ironic that the so-called “hero” of James’ novels repeatedly exercises coercive control over the heroine.
The subtle power of these novels resides in their ability to condition female readers to view coercive control, arguably the most dangerous form of relationship abuse, as something desirable and pleasurable. The novels describe quite accurately the process by which serial abusers groom a vulnerable target. This predatory snake-charming can be extended to the target’s family as well, masking sinister motivations.
There are generally six stages of grooming (found on abuse survivor websites), and they all appear in these novels.
1) Selecting a target
Predators will zero in on potential victims, recognizing those who are distanced from family, exhibiting confidence issues and neediness. James’ main male character, Christian Grey, quickly identifies the insecurity and low self-esteem of the heroine, knowing there are very few people around her who will defend her. He immediately seeks to further isolate her from any other voices of reason, while quizzing her about personal information, learning she is from a broken home.
2) Win target’s trust
An abuser will learn about a targets needs so that they may be met with exploitive motivations. Meeting a target’s needs serves to win trust, while providing future leverage. In the Fifty Shades Trilogy, the abuser keeps a dossier on his female target full of such information. He eventually resorts to stalking her online and in person. Personal information is even used to win the trust of her father, putting the predator in position for the next phase of grooming.
3) Meeting needs
The abuser will exploit the knowledge of a target’s personal needs by showering them with attention, gifts, and praise. Christian Grey gives the female target a car, money, and expensive clothes, primarily serving the his dark agenda. Through the use of wealth and manipulation, Christian Grey’s target becomes financially dependent on him, which quickly evolves into her dependence upon him for her very self-esteem.
4) Isolation
A predator will use his relationship with the target to create situations where they are alone together. In Fifty Shades, the female’s youth and naivete makes her suseptable to plenty of special first class trips. This further builds trust, but it also separates the target from any support group she may possess.
5) Sexualizing the relationship
With child grooming, once trust has been firmly established, the abuser gradually sexualizes the relationship. The child is desensitized through dirty conversation, pornography, and situations where they are naked together. With adult grooming, this sexualizing can be harder to detect, because the dating relationship will become sexual and all consuming very quickly.
The target in Fifty Shades is desensitized by talking about the predator’s dark sexual desires. He orders her to negotiate a contract pertaining to her participation. Within weeks she’s manipulated and coerced into dehumanizing sexual acts of ever increasing depravity.
6) The final phase of grooming a target is staying in control. The target is told that her submission is for her own good. Her free will is seen as an obstacle to greater freedom and personal fulfillment. The target is kept off balance by the abuser’s volatile reactions.
When women are conditioned to believe that abuse is normative, it is not only they who are at risk, but also their children. If they cannot recognize when they themselves are being groomed and manipulated for abuse, they surely won’t recognize it when it happens to their children.
The dangers of El James’ novels are evident. When grooming and coercive control are normalized and even glorified as the romantic ideal, generations of women are put at risk.
P.S. My information came from reading reviews, not from reading the novel itself.
