Comfort or Relationships

After picking up William at school, we sat in the parking lot and waited on his sister. Every time a kid William recognized walked by, my son would slide open the van door and yell a hello. And each time I would ask him to shut the door. After about six little kids, six opened door, and six exhortations to keep the door shut, he finally asked, "Why do you want the door to stay shut?" I promptly replied, "Because you're letting the cold air out." And my son, being painfully aware of the obvious said, "It will make more cold air."

After considering his statement, I realized my son cared more about his relationships than his own comfort. So naturally (or not so naturally) I asked myself how much comfort would I give up in order to build relationships.

I can't help but think back to when my life was exceptionally uncomfortable, and how much relationships meant back then. When money was scarce and prosperity was only something you heard TV preachers talk about, relationships were essential because we needed each other to survive. Now that there's a tad more money and life is a bit more prosperous, isolation from people is tad more tempting and bit more common.

It even seems forgiveness was easier when relationships were a necessity to life. Now that we are more self sufficient, and relationships are not the necessity they once were, it seems easier to hold a grudge. Why not hold a grudge? If you don't need a relationship, then it only makes sense to not let it impinge on your comfort.

But scripture teaches us differently, as we are never completely self-sufficient. Oh, we might be able to achieve financial independence, but spiritually we are completely bankrupt apart from a relationship with Christ. And even after we turn from our sins and embrace Christ by faith, we not only still need relationships with other believers for good spiritual health, but we are commanded to make these relationships as we provide each other with accountability and disciple new believers.

So what is more important to you?  Building relationships, or keeping the cold air in?

 

Leaders Respond to Challenges

I just finished serving on a Mission Advance Team for our state convention's board of directors. Up until being asked to serve, I'd maintained more than a professional distance from the Baptist Building, partly due to the time consuming demands of my own meager world of ministry, and partly because of lesser impressive reasons. Therefore this was my first significant exposure to some our leaders at the BGCO while gaining a greater understanding and appreciation for the work they do.

I could express the honor of being asked to work on recommendations that may impact state convention work for years to come, I could talk about the invaluable time spent building relationships with many of the finest church leaders in our state, and I could discuss the leadership experience gleaned from discussing, evaluating, and focusing ideas. Space could easily be used to celebrate any or all these, but instead I'll give some words to the BGCO leaders themselves.

It’s been said that managers do things right while leaders do the right things. Perhaps one of my lesser impressive reasons for not sooner getting to know our state leaders was my simplistic understanding of who they were and what they do.  My understanding has improved.  Recognizing present challenges of economic shifts, the newly evolved landscape of ministry funding, and the intricate sensitivities of Baptist cooperation, our state convention leaders will not merely manage the challenges of our future, but they will lead a response that answers these challenges.

Careful consideration of this response will be everyone’s right and responsibility, and while complete agreement with every jot and tittle is unrealistic, I’m confident the course of action presented will be prayerful, decisive, equal to the task, and very worthy of our support.

To Date or Not To Date, Part 2

What do you look for when you're dating?  For some it's all about straight teeth, clear skin, and stylish clothes.  Physical attraction has its place in choosing who to date, but it's hardly the most important thing.  That's why you should pay attention to the people around you that you may find yourself dating.  Observe how they act when dating others, as that will indicate how they will act if they date you.

One of the major dinosaur tar pits of relationships is the needy person.  They are sometimes referred to as the "walking wounded."  They walk through life secretly nurturing a poor self image.  As a result they suck all the life out of every relationship they ever have.  They drive people crazy as they constantly need affection and validation in order to feel good about themselves.  So the sooner you can recognize needy people, the easier it will be to avoid a serious dating relationship with them, and a subsequent miserable marriage.

One way to recognize a needy date is when they agree with everything you say and like everything you say you like.  Of course they don't.  They just want you to believe the two of you have everything in common, because they want to be accepted by you at all costs.  And don't be surprised if they use the "L" word after only two weeks of dating.

So if you get duped by all this and decide to continue in the relationship, they will probably begin to complain because the two of you aren't close enough, or don't spend enough time together.  They will seek to dominate your schedule, while trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to spend every waking moment with them.  They will be paranoid about any dating competition and will get jealous at the drop of a hat, often calling every two hours to see where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with.

Another way to recognize a needy person is that they don't have a lot, if any, close friends.  They will be very hard on prospective friendships, because they constantly get their feelings hurt, they demand more time and attention, and they are jealous of other friends.

The bottom line is that needy people are looking for someone to meet their "needs."  And that is not the person you want for a life partner.  Remember, healthy relationships shouldn't be a constant burden that drains you of all your emotional energy, and then just demands more. 

Love "does not seek its own." 1 Corinthians 13:5

Thank God for Our Kids

Emily and William just finished their first glorious day of eighth and first grade, respectfully.  I find myself overwhelmed with the privilege of seeing this part of their lives, to be here for them, enjoy them, and watch them grow.  Their innocence (however brief) softened parts of my heart about which I'd long ago forgotten.  Their tenacity confounds me, and their affection humbles me.  In many ways my relationship with my kids has given me a greater appreciation of divine personality as I contemplate God's love and patience toward us.  Lord, give me more of that.

The privilege of children has alluded some, and those it hasn't often fail to recognize it as a privilege.  They get lost in their own problems, or somehow get distracted by less fulfilling endeavors.  Then one morning they wake up and the smell of a pet they never wanted is gone, the crafts from school and VBS no longer decorate the fridge, and the sound of majestic playfulness has been replaced by an aching silence that cries, "Should've paid more attention."  Lord, let that not be me.

One blessing of children I didn't anticipate (not that I fully anticipated any of it) is being able to find community with other like-minded parents of young children.  We share something that is hard to put in words.  It's sort of like the "Thank God for Our Kids" club.  I consider many of them to be some of my favorite people (if not dear friends) as our lives intersect at church, tee-ball games, and the school parking lot.  I suspect this is the stuff of which lifelong friendships are made.  Lord, bless them all.

Conflict Sells (and Tells)

When I was studying to be a writer (another dream unfulfilled) I learned about some of the techniques used in making a good story, things like having interesting and unique characters, showing the story rather than telling the story, and creating plenty of conflict.  I don't know for sure why we find conflict so interesting, but we certainly do.  The most popular Christian blogs are those which bring to light conflict among Christian leaders,  children will gather around conflict on the playground, and some never attend church business meetings unless they anticipate conflict.

What is it about conflict that draws our attention?  I'm not sure of the whole answer, but I came up with one possibility.  Maybe its because we want to witness the behavior of those involved.  Times of conflict often bring out a person's true character, and its their true character about which we are often the least informed and the most curious.

First Corinthians 11:19 "For there must also be factions among you, that those who are approved may be recognized among you."  

According to Paul, conflict is where the church recognizes its truly God-approved leaders.  As their true character is revealed in the heat of conflict, the church is allowed to distinguish between the peacemakers and the quarrelsome, between the temperate and the emotionally driven, between the sober-minded and the trivial-minded, between the submissive and the rebellious, between those who remain faithful and those who give up, between those who have God's mind and those who don't, and between those who can reason together and those who are unreasonable.

First Thessalonians 2:4 "But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts."

It is those who are tested and approved to which God entrusts ministry, and apparently God uses conflict as one of the tests.  So what does God show you during times of conflict?  What emerges as your true character?

True Gospel or False Gospel? And Does It Really Matter?

The Bible says in Galatians 1:8, “But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.” Paul says anyone who proclaims a false way to Heaven goes to Hell. That’s pretty strong language, which is understandable if we think about it.

Suppose that you believe in God, and you believe in Heaven and Hell, and you want to be sure you go to Heaven. So you begin a journey to find the way to Heaven, and during your journey you come across a person who seems nice and very sincere, and they give you a map that shows you the way to Heaven. You are so thankful that you eagerly take the map, and from that day forward you follow the map, looking forward to the day that you reach your destination, being eternal joy and happiness in Heaven.

And then finally the day comes when you pass over the threshold of death and into eternity, eager to enter the pearly gates and enjoy God forever. But something’s wrong. You’re not in Heaven, you’re in Hell. There’s no joy, no friends or family, and nothing that resembles a hint of happiness. To your horror, you realize the map you’d followed your entire life wasn’t the true way to Heaven, and now you can’t go back, as the door of hope was slammed shut in your dying. Your entire existence has been baptized into the torment of God’s judgment. Forever.

No wonder the Bible speaks so severely to those who proclaim a false gospel. So lets go to the map that God Himself inspired for the true way to Heaven, the true gospel. 1 Timothy 2:3-4 says, “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” In other words, to understand the true gospel, one must understand some basic knowledge.

1) To understand the true gospel, one must understand SIN. When the first man, Adam, disobeyed God, he and his descendants (that includes you) lost their innocence, becoming corrupt in nature, acquiring the penalty of spiritual and physical death. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.”

2) To understand the true gospel, one must understand JUDGMENT. Romans 2:16 says, “In the day when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ, according to my gospel.” The sin of Adam and his descendants (again, that includes you) personally offended God, causing all of man to become the object of God’s wrath, hopelessly lost, waiting for the day when we give an account before God. Matthew 12:36 says, “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.”

3) To understand the true gospel, one must understand CHRIST. Since mankind (again, you) is completely unable to recover its innocence, God inserted Himself into humanity in the person of Jesus Christ. He lived a life of sinless innocence. Hebrews 4:15 says that Jesus “was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

4) To understand the true gospel, one must understand SUBSTITUTIONARY ATONEMENT. Since Jesus lived a life without sin, his death on the cross was a death for our sins, taking God’s wrath and judgment in our place. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” Christ’s substitutionary death makes it possible for our sins to be forgiven and to have His righteousness attributed to us.

5) To understand the true gospel, one must understand the RESURRECTION. 2 Timothy 2:8 says, “Remember that Jesus Christ…was raised from the dead according to my gospel.” Three days after Jesus was buried He was raised from the dead, proving He was indeed God’s Son. Romans 1:4 says that Jesus was “declared to be the Son of God with power… by the resurrection from the dead.” Jesus’ resurrection prefigures the resurrection of all who embrace the true gospel. 1 Corinthians 15:20 says, “But now Christ is risen from the dead, and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” Jesus’ death and resurrection calls us to die to our old life and to live a new life. Romans 6:4 says, “Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.”

6) To understand the true gospel, one must understand REPENTANCE. Luke 13:3 says, “But unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” Repentance is when one turns away from all sin. This involves one’s mind, emotions, and will. In other words, one intellectually understands sin to be evil and offensive to God, resulting in an emotional response as sin becomes repulsive, further resulting in a change of will as one desires to stop sinning and to begin doing what is right. Acts 26:20 says, “That they should repent, turn to God, and do works befitting repentance.”

7) To understand the true gospel, one must understand FAITH. Faith is more than just believing the facts about Jesus, but it is confessing Him as Savior and submitting to Him as Lord. John 3:36 says, “He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.” Notice that John mentions obedience as a synonym for believing. Acts 6:7 says, “Then the word of God spread, and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were obedient to the faith.” Genuine faith results in the birth of a disciple who obeys Christ as Lord.

As you can see, the true gospel is radically different than a lot of false gospels you may have heard. So have you embraced the true gospel? Or are you still under the heavy hand of God’s wrath, looking forward to His judgment? When you die, will you be surprised you’re not in Heaven because you followed a false gospel? I leave you with Paul’s challenge from 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you are disqualified.”

Dealing With Discouragement

"Oh give me a home where the buffalo rome and the deer and the antelope play, where seldom is heard a discouraging word."  What would life be like if we never heard a discouraging word, had a discouraging thought, or experienced discouraging circumstances?  Better I suspect.

So where does discouragement come from?  First of all, we have chronic complainers and critics.  These poor souls never seem to realize that their glass-half-empty outlook on life can have detrimental effects on people around them.  So they engage in the very fun activity (fun for them, at least) of second guessing all decisions, picking apart any plans, and general griping of all kinds.  Sometimes their concerns are legitimate and need to be voiced, but many times they are little more than petty soapbox issues which divert precious energy from legitimately important concerns.

A second source of discouragement comes not from people, but from circumstances.  And just like discouraging people, discouraging circumstances grow in all kinds of soil.  These can be related to our health, our employment, our family, our ministry, or anything in between.  These circumstances can often congregate together, making them almost overwhelming, and again zapping us of valuable energy.

The third source of discouragement comes not from people, or circumstances, but from one's self.  That's right.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to discouragement, as we can fail to be thankful for all God has blessed us with and begin to focus on all we don't have and all we haven't accomplished.  

And worse yet, some of us have tape recorders in our heads that replays every negative and critical thing that's ever been said to us, and it reminds us of every disadvantageous circumstance we've learned to live with.  And every time we have an opportunity to take some spiritual ground back from the enemy, he rewinds the tape recorder and replays everything, and we become discouraged.

So now how about some practical advice for avoiding discouragement.  First of all, limit your exposure (if possible) to the chronic complainers and critics.  If you surround yourself with glass-half-empty people, you'll end up feeling like a half-empty life.  Secondly, try to see God's sovereignty using the circumstances of life to do some work on your character.  If you fail to see God at work, then life just becomes one big unfair discouraging mess.  Thirdly, intentionally focus on all of which God has blessed you, and see God as the true source of those blessings.  And for crying out loud, stop comparing your life to the lives of your siblings, friends, or anyone else.  Be thankful for the life God has given you, and see it as your opportunity to spend yourself to make a difference in the lives of those around you.

And then lastly, and most importantly, smash the tape recorder of the past.  Take it and drop it off a cliff and watch it crash on the rocks below.  Paul said in Philippians 3:13, "But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead."  Stop being shackled to the discouragement of your past, and let today be the beginning of the very best God desires for you.

What I observed at Mission OKC...

I had a great three days with our youth on mission in OKC.  One reason it was so relaxing is because our youth  have such great leadership in Tyler Geohagan, and for me to say that about a youth minister is no small thing.  So I just got to love Jesus, do mission work, and quietly observe.

As I observed our young people in action, I must say I was thoroughly impressed with the ranks of our youth ministry.  I don't believe I heard one real complaint by anyone during the whole trip, and considering the average age of our mission team, and the thermally enhanced weather conditions, this anomaly of non-complaining was all the more impressive. 

But having no need for a complaint department was not the only thing that encouraged me about this young generation of Jesus-following whippersnappers.  They also worked.  And I don't mean they just did a good job, but they worked harder as volunteers than many who get paid.  Better yet, they did it all with staggering enthusiasm.  It was almost as if serving the Lord was a privilege for them.

And lastly, I observed no female drama queens or testosterone driven bullies.  There was no crying or yelling or fit-throwing.  There was no foot stomping or door slamming or homesick whining.  Instead everyone was surprisingly comfortable in their own skin.  So whether one chose to be silly or goofy or downright weird, no one seemed to mind, as it appeared they were only there for one reason: to lift up the name of Jesus and push back the encroaching darkness.  And push back they did.