50 Shades

El James has become one of the best selling female authors of all time due the profound success of her Fifty Shades Trilogy. The repetitive pornographic sex scenes, “mommy porn” as its been called, are damaging enough to its readers, but these novels push the envelope of sexual debauchery to ever darkening scenarios.

The success of the London based author coincides with the British Home Office seeking to widen the definition of Domestic Abuse to include coercive control in addition to physical violence. It’s therefore a bit ironic that the so-called “hero” of James’ novels repeatedly exercises coercive control over the heroine.

The subtle power of these novels resides in their ability to condition female readers to view coercive control, arguably the most dangerous form of relationship abuse, as something desirable and pleasurable. The novels describe quite accurately the process by which serial abusers groom a vulnerable target. This predatory snake-charming can be extended to the target’s family as well, masking sinister motivations.

There are generally six stages of grooming (found on abuse survivor websites), and they all appear in these novels.

1) Selecting a target
Predators will zero in on potential victims, recognizing those who are distanced from family, exhibiting confidence issues and neediness. James’ main male character, Christian Grey, quickly identifies the insecurity and low self-esteem of the heroine, knowing there are very few people around her who will defend her. He immediately seeks to further isolate her from any other voices of reason, while quizzing her about personal information, learning she is from a broken home.

2) Win target’s trust
An abuser will learn about a targets needs so that they may be met with exploitive motivations. Meeting a target’s needs serves to win trust, while providing future leverage. In the Fifty Shades Trilogy, the abuser keeps a dossier on his female target full of such information. He eventually resorts to stalking her online and in person. Personal information is even used to win the trust of her father, putting the predator in position for the next phase of grooming.

3) Meeting needs
The abuser will exploit the knowledge of a target’s personal needs by showering them with attention, gifts, and praise. Christian Grey gives the female target a car, money, and expensive clothes, primarily serving the his dark agenda. Through the use of wealth and manipulation, Christian Grey’s target becomes financially dependent on him, which quickly evolves into her dependence upon him for her very self-esteem.

4) Isolation
A predator will use his relationship with the target to create situations where they are alone together. In Fifty Shades, the female’s youth and naivete makes her suseptable to plenty of special first class trips. This further builds trust, but it also separates the target from any support group she may possess.

5) Sexualizing the relationship
With child grooming, once trust has been firmly established, the abuser gradually sexualizes the relationship. The child is desensitized through dirty conversation, pornography, and situations where they are naked together. With adult grooming, this sexualizing can be harder to detect, because the dating relationship will become sexual and all consuming very quickly.

The target in Fifty Shades is desensitized by talking about the predator’s dark sexual desires. He orders her to negotiate a contract pertaining to her participation. Within weeks she’s manipulated and coerced into dehumanizing sexual acts of ever increasing depravity.

6) The final phase of grooming a target is staying in control. The target is told that her submission is for her own good. Her free will is seen as an obstacle to greater freedom and personal fulfillment. The target is kept off balance by the abuser’s volatile reactions.

When women are conditioned to believe that abuse is normative, it is not only they who are at risk, but also their children. If they cannot recognize when they themselves are being groomed and manipulated for abuse, they surely won’t recognize it when it happens to their children.

The dangers of El James’ novels are evident. When grooming and coercive control are normalized and even glorified as the romantic ideal, generations of women are put at risk.

P.S. My information came from reading reviews, not from reading the novel itself.

H - E - Double Hocky Sticks

A handful of topics bring heat to any friendly discussion. Hell is certainly one. The concept of eternal punishment is so daunting, one can scarcely see where the discussion should begin. To begin to understand Hell, one must try to understand the God who created it. This is true of any ultimate question concerning life, death, and purpose. Yet, our so-called understanding of God is our fatal flaw.

William and I were fishing at a pond in the woods south of town last week. A pack of dogs immerged from the tree line, and one came charging toward me, hair bristled and teeth gnashing. I stood up straight and shouted as loud as possible, “NO!” The dog stopped twenty feet from me, turned around and led the pack back into the woods.

To correctly understand that situation, I had to correctly understand the dog. I could have opened my arms wide to embrace the dog with a hug saying, “I believe all dogs are loving dogs.” I could have done nothing saying, “I don’t believe wild dogs are dangerous.” I could have turned and ran saying, “I believe what my heart is telling me, and it’s telling me I should run.”

Any one of these misunderstandings would have resulted in a catastrophe, and yet these are the same mental gymnastics we apply to our understanding of God. We believe God is tolerant and no real threat to us; therefore we can simply follow our heart. But if we’re wrong in our understanding of God, the consequences are infinitely worse than a dog attack.

The only viable option is to seek revealed truth, being an understanding of God provided by God himself. This revelation came as God inspired men to record His words. We know this divine record as the Bible.

Exodus 34:6-7 says, “Yahweh is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in faithful love and truth, . . . But He will not leave the guilty unpunished.”

This brief passage reveals God as not only good, but his goodness is at such a perfect level that sin in His universe will not go unpunished. Yet at the same time, his love is so vast that he came in the person of Christ to receive the punishment for us. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

According to God’s own revelation, the goodness of his character requires the existence of Hell as a just punishment for a sinful rebellious humanity. The bottom line is God is who He is, so rather than expect Him to be less than He is, lets embrace His truth and bow before His Christ.

Dating Advice for Girls

I thought dating stress was gone forever once I got married, but God was playing a joke on me. My dearest Emily, as well as her friends, are now playing with the “in a relationship” status on Facebook. Dating is one of the most exhilarating and most frustrating experiences in life, and this is especially true for the young Christian lady.

It’s bad enough that the pickings are so slim for Christian girls as few young men have been willing to truly turn from sin and commit to a life of following Christ. But many times even Christian boys lack the qualities essential for a healthy dating relationship.

So how can a young Christian girl gain crucial insight into a boy’s character before she even begins any kind of “relationship” with him? What does a girl often possess as an incredible tool to help determine a boy’s integrity? Surely God has not left young Christian girls to navigate these shark-infested waters alone.

Great news, girls. God has provided you with an incredibly powerful equalizer for the frontlines of dating. It is called “DAD.” That’s right, girls, there is no one on the face of this planet who cares more for your safety and well-being than that one man. Not only is he your personal polygraph machine and expert in teen-boy psychology, but he is willing to personally run his own background checks.

So how can you utilize this powerful tool in screening potential gentleman callers? This brings us to the ominous INTERVIEW. Oh my, gives me chills just thinking about it. Listen girls, don’t underestimate the power of this single event, because not only is your dad able to see through a boy’s false motives, but this is an essential step in determining a boys character. Because if he doesn’t have the brass to stand before your dad and ask for permission to get know you better, then he is not willing to shoulder the risk of being rejected. And that is an indication of weak character, poor leadership, and impure motives.

If a boy cannot pass this basic test of decency and integrity, then he is not yet ready to get to know you better, and may never be. And if your dad is not available to conduct this simple interview, I would be happy and honored to provide this service free of charge.

Anthropological Argument for God's Existence

Inside every person’s heart is a moral compass. This belief in right and wrong leads to the development of the moral argument of God’s existence. In other words, the existence of a moral compass in man’s heart is best explained by the biblical account of being created in God’s image. Man’s belief in objective right and wrong is a remnant of what was once a flawless humanity created for a good purpose.

Yet, what man finds troubling is his complete inability to return to his previously greater self. He is reduced to living a life wrought with frustration only to end in the icy fingers of an ominous death. And this introduces the anthropological argument for God's existence.

Blaise Pascal, in Pensees, described man as “deposed royalty,” seeing a wretchedness he cannot escape, and a death he cannot avoid. “Being unable to cure death, wretchedness and ignorance, men have decided, in order to be happy, not to think about such things.”

Man works hard to keep his mortality and sinfulness far from his thoughts. He gives his heart and mind to diversions, distracting himself from a plight too grim to stare in the face. According to Pascal, man’s obsession with hobbies, entertainment, and prestige are attempts to escape the truth of his own miserable condition.

When man looks honestly at his predicament, he sees a moral standard existing in his heart, yet nothing in this world can help him achieve that standard. Death looms on the horizon like the uncle no one mentions in polite company, yet nothing in the world provides an alternative. Man suspects he was made for greater purpose, but something went terribly wrong, and possessing the pleasures of this world offers no remedy.

This peculiar trait of humanity shackles him to a monumental dissatisfaction crying out for an explanation. C.S. Lewis, in his essay The Weight of Glory, offers one such explanation:

"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. . . If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." (emphasis mine)

Philosophers have long recognized man as a very peculiar being, capable of great personal sacrifice and great selfish evil. He longs for purpose and meaning transcending his existence, yet finding only despair in the end.

If a worldview is to be of any value, it must at least explain man’s pitiful existence. Christianity not only provides an explanation, but spectacular hope.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Psalms 63:5 (NKJV)

Morality Exists, Therefore God Exists

The moral argument for God’s existence basically says that if objective moral values exist (absolute right and wrong), these values must come from a personal Being transcending the various opinions and cultural nuances of mankind.

A few hold the extreme position stating there is neither such thing as right that is always right, nor wrong that is always wrong. They site examples illustrating the contrast of differing perspectives and cultural practices. For example, some may view the men who flew into the World Trade Center as terrorist, while others see them as freedom fighters. Another example points to some cultures striving to love their neighbors while others work to eat their neighbors.

Yet when one of these hardliners was asked how he felt about the cruel treatment of children by Nazi doctors, he responds by stating that he did not like what happened to those children, and he would not have enjoyed witnessing what happened to those children, but he could not say that the Nazi doctors were doing anything wrong. This man’s mind contradicted his heart. He didn’t intellectually believe in evil, but even he couldn’t escape an emotional belief in evil.

This continues to illustrate the presence of moral sensibilities within the human heart. What needs to be explained is where this moral compass originated. Is it merely an emergent quality of evolution, or does it reside there as a faint reminder that we were created in God’s image.

Noted atheist and ardent proponent of evolution, Richard Dawkins, has done much in an attempt to promote the theory of evolution as the only intellectually sustainable position, yet even he seems confused as to what he actually believes. In his book The God Delusion he argues that morality is based on evolution. Yet this seems to contradict his understanding in River Out of Eden where he observes evolution being unconcerned with right and wrong.

Dawkins’ inconsistencies aside, can evolution truly account for the formation of conscious morality in human beings? For the sake of argument lets consider evolution as a source for morality. If morality did indeed evolve through the blind mechanism of natural selection, then there is no more reason to trust such a morality than one we may receive from reading tea leaves. Both are impersonal and blind to meaning and purpose.

Henry Middleton in his article Can Morality Be Based In Our “Selfish: Evolutionary Past? says, “Moral standards deal with right and wrong, what should and should not be done. That implies a choice that requires personality and consciousness. A transcendent moral standard would therefore need to be grounded in a conscious, personal, and transcendent reality. Christians find this in God—the only place where such a standard can be found.”

Also, as noted by Jay Wesley Richards in his article Naturalism in Theological and Biblical Studies, evolution is driven by behavior, not beliefs. As long as an animal behaves in a self-preserving way, its beliefs are irrelevant. For instance, a deer can believe a mountain lion is his mother, while simultaneously believing the way to get his mother to love him is to run away. The natural selection of evolution doesn’t choose between beliefs, only behavior.

The bottom line is that evolution could only determine what is, not what should be, therefore it is a completely inadequate explanation for the human heart’s passionate reaction to good and evil.

Man Up, Men

I’m so proud of my step-daughter, Emily. She fights to overcome obstacles, works hard for good grades, and loves Jesus. She is now at that distressing part of her life (maybe more for me than her) where she is learning about relationships with boys. This is her latest obstacle as the selection of boys who possess promising futures of actually becoming strong Christian men is quite limited.

The sad part is that her prospects probably won’t improve anytime soon, as more and more young men are failing to actually grow up into respectful and respected men.

I've recently realized I don’t only want Emily to be successful in school and college just so she can be well-balanced in her education and confidence, but because she may not be able to find a Christian man with enough ambition and maturity to commit himself to raising a family.

William J. Bennett, a CNN contributor, notes, “For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious and arguably more successful than men. . . . Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys. While women are graduating college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married and not raising families.”

I suspect there are probably more young men who would like to become mature men, but simply lack any real guidance. Television certainly isn’t any help as men are portrayed as obsessing over sex, discarding relationships with women when they become challenging, and never taking responsibility to grow into manhood, commit to marriage, and lead a family.

Now I don’t believe all men need to be Sunday School teachers and corporate executives with six figure salaries. I suspect most young Christian women simply want a man that truly loves Jesus, and has his head screwed on straight.

Kevin DeYoung, Senior Pastor at University Reformed Church in East Lansing, Michigan put it like this, “They just want a guy with some substance. A guy with plans. A guy with some intellectual depth. A guy who can winsomely take initiative and lead a conversation. A guy with consistency. A guy who no longer works at his play and plays with his faith. A guy with a little desire to succeed in life. A guy they can imagine providing for a family, praying with the kids at bedtime, mowing the lawn on Saturday, and being eager to take everyone to church on Sunday.”

Young women shouldn’t settle for anything less than a solid Christian commitment in a husband. Young men need to get serious about their faith, stop going in circles, and find a dose of godly ambition.

1 Corinthians 16:13 (NASB) “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”

Moral Argument for God's Existence

Philip Hallie is a philosopher who did primary research on the cruelties of the Nazi Holocaust. It included the so-called medical experiments Nazi doctors did on defenseless children. Hallie’s ominous research shredded his soul as these atrocities assaulted every sense of decency. “I had learned that you cannot go down into hell with impunity.”

Hallie’s intellectual descent into darkness took its toll, as he often responded to his students with explosive rage or cold silence. After an episode frightening his family, he went for a walk while thinking of taking his own life. He ended up at his office where he found a book. Its pages chronicled events in Le Chambon, a Protestant village nestled in the mountains of southeastern France.

He read about a pastor who refused to turn in Jews to the Nazis, while villagers risked their lives to courageously hide Jews. “When I got to the bottom of the third page of the article my cheeks started itching, and when I reached up to scratch them I found that they were covered with tears. And not just a few tears—my cheeks were awash with them.”

In that moment Hallie began his ascension from darkness. He continued to read about how a village of 3500 people saved almost 6000 Jews, mostly children whose parents were killed by Nazis. Under the leadership of French pastors they sheltered children in their own homes until they could be taken through treacherous mountain passes into Geneva, Switzerland.

This story illustrates the existence of an objective moral reality, which is the first step in offering a moral argument for the existence of God. In other words, there is something inside the human heart that believes in right and wrong, and the paramount question an atheist must ask is: How did it get there?

In future posts we’ll continue exploring the moral argument for God’s existence, considering the plausibility of evolution giving rise to morality, and eventually demonstrating how a personal and moral God best explains the existence of objective morality.